Category Archives: Knick Knack

Random thoughts

Post-Hurricane Day…

…was incredibly nice. The night of Irene I got off work around 7 because the place was empty (much to the surprise of the owners/managers at my old restaurant, nobody wanted to brave a hurricane to go to a club), so I went to my friends’ nearby house to weather the storm. Many people asked me how the storm was: the worst thing that happened was my umbrella was inverted a few times, but I did get pretty adept at reversing it back to its normal state with the wind-power. This will be useful for the next hurricane that strikes DC.

Anyway, the next day was beautiful. 75, good breeze. The hurricane-party-participants from the night before collected themselves and we ate Chipotle and smoothies on the way to Chinatown. There, we bought a kite for something like $10.

Credit: diamondrefractionindex via Flickr

We then went to The Mall (I’m not from DC. Are you supposed to capitalize the mall?) to fly our kite. It broke on the first attempt, but in such a way that we didn’t realize it — thus, we spent a good 45 minutes trying to get it to fly with a broken wing. Eventually we thought to examine the kite, discovered the problem, and found that breaking the other wing-pole in half would let it at least fly for more than 3 seconds without veering off into the ground. However, by the time we had this epiphany we were all tired of kite-flying — particularly after watching the seven year old next to us have much, much more success. This should be marked as one of the few times in life when the glee of a child is allowed to make you unhappy.

In short, be wary of Chinatown kites if you’d like to do more with it than hang it on your wall.

I spent the rest of the day getting my bag searched by various security people at museums and trying to explain that the weird thing sticking out of it was just a kite, not an art-destroying implement.

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Just kidding. We got jobs. Our couch time has been severely reduced. Things will be more regular soon methinks.

A Taste of the Midwest

“Life is R-Rated, but nobody tells you until it’s too late.”

My dad just said that to me on the phone the other day.   I’m 22.  Is it too late?  I think he means that people can tell you that same thing all day long but you’ll never really know it’s true until you witness real “shit” firsthand.  He also said something about how life kicks your ass, or does your ass, and some more R-Rated things, but I can’t remember verbatim like the first bit.  In short, eventually something will screw you somehow and you’ll realize everyone who told you it was coming wasn’t fucking with you.  The whole subject came up because I mentioned that I thought that this blog shouldn’t be R-Rated.  I’ve been trying to keep my posts relatively professional because hey, who knows, a potential employer might be reading it right now.

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I think I figured out how to raise any downtrodden celebrity’s self esteem

With Amy Winehouse’s recent death I’ve noticed a trend among people in general. After a celebrity dies young some maliciously minded people will crack jokes in poor taste, some people with perspective on the situation will crack more appropriate jokes, and some people will react poorly to both of those kinds of people and declare them the scum of the earth for mocking the dead. The same thing happened with Ryan Dunn a few months ago, and I’m sure the same thing will happen when Lindsay Lohan inevitably wastes the rest of the goodwill she has left from Mean Girls and gets stabbed by someone who’s tired of her wasting what little money california has left with her nonsense. But anyway, why not use this to celebrities advantage? The outpouring of love and support for dead celebrities is absurd when compared to the way they led their life. So here you go, celebrities who are in the process of falling or have completely fallen out of the spotlight, I have a solution.

Step 1: Find a high traffic celebrity based blog. Any will do. Admittedly I’d prefer if you didn’t use Perez Hilton because that dude just might be the antichrist.

Step 2: Report your death to that site. Make sure that you die in a way that will generate a solid debate about whether or not you brought it on yourself (Just die from drugs, they seem to be the most polarizing way)

Step 3: Make sure that as many of the reports of your death as possible include jokes in poor taste. (like “Gary Busey died today, the last time he was seen he was reported as saying “This is the first time in a long time I’ve been afraid of drugs, but with Amy Winehouse gone someone has to do all of them”)

Step 4: Wait. Preferably in your house so you aren’t wandering around while the internet is abuzz with news of your death. People will flock to your defense or to your fresh (inaccurate) corpse to make jokes because they’re bad people. Regardless, you gain attention, which is all you really need in this world as a celebrity. Attention breeds success.

Step 5: Correct the mistaken reports in a way that suggests that you’re hurt and offended by the rumors of your demise. (Look up Bill Cosby’s response to the rumors of his death. At this point that guy is essentially a professional death denier <–Thats a weird looking word)

Step 6: Enjoy the massive influx of movie roles, public appearances, and fragrance lines.

If you have any interest in reading a less satirical and considerably more touching analysis of Amy Winehouse's death, check out Russell Brand's blog, it is a touching tribute to the woman he knew and loved coupled with a realistic analysis of drug addiction, and I think more people should read it: http://www.russellbrand.tv/2011/07/for-amy/

4 Commercials and the reasoning behind my irrational hatred for them.

I hope that this won’t devolve into a hate filled rant towards commercials, I promise I’ll do my best to avoid that. But regardless of how this post unfolds, commercials suck. The reasoning behind them is understandable, but I sincerely doubt anyone would confess feeling an overwhelming satisfaction whenever their favorite show breaks for commercial. (The lone exception seems to be those people who watch the Super Bowl “just for the commercials”. But that’s nonsense, if you’re doing that why are you even watching the super bowl? Go read a book, dummy.) I’m not an avid television watcher, I only follow one show obsessively enough to watch every new episode when it airs on T.V. (That show being Sons of Anarchy) but I consistently have it playing in the background while I’m puttering around on my computer or failing to complete crossword puzzles and there are certain commercials that, even at my least attentive point, prompt a twitch of rage. Here they are in no particular order.

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Why Have Mustaches Fallen Out of Style?

I’m certainly not claiming to be an expert on style here, as those who know me will surely attest, but this is a trend I’ve noticed over the last several years. That trend being a decrease in the number of mustaches I see every day. This chart indicates the frequency of mustache-spottings-per-day over the last 10 years:

Now clearly, I just made this chart up.  However, I think it’s probably relatively accurate, though a bit hyperbolic.  For the sake of clarity, I’m talking about mustaches-only — frankly I think a mustache is just part of a beard unless it’s riding solo.  So why is this downward spiral occurring?

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